Tis better to have loved and lost.....

......then never to have loved at all. Who said that? Voltare I think. If Im wrong, please correct me. I am as blind as they come. I'm as clueless and informed as the rest. But I'm smart, stupid and maybe brave enough to follow my heart, instincts and inner passions. I know what I like and love. I hope you all find it too. Love. Passion. Purpose. Don't misunderstand me, I'm as lost and confused as everyone. But I do know for a fact that there are an infinite array of shades between black and white...between love and hate. Sometimes the lines are so close they are barely visible. Keep seeking. The only other true fact I know is I don't want a life without love. But thats just me. How do you want to live your life?

The song is Enigma-Je T'Aime Till my Dying day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k0ZmRRl7ws&feature=related

Play it now if you can and keep reading if you choose. Play it over and over. Sometimes I pretend I am talking to my God. Listening. I cry because he said He will love me until his dying day and I know He doesn't just want to just fuck me or try and use me because I was born with a vagina and He made me and made me perfect. I cry because He loves me unconditionally. He loves me in all my perfect imperfections and laughs with me because He also made Murphys Law. My God has a definate sense of humor. I couldn't understand Him if He didn't. It makes total sense and I can't pretend I really grasp any of it. I just keep trying. Thank you God for giving me tenaciousness and Faith. You Rock dude! And I think your fucking warped. I'm positive of that.

There are alot of video versions and remakes from this song but I chose a simple nature one. As love should be. Natural. Free. Constant. Of the Earth and all heavenly bodies that surround each of us. Stay open. If you keep closed and guarded to keep the bad crap out, your not really able to let the good shit in. Im going to try and stay on track here but please bare with me. I'm a feeling and passionate person. I am very ignorant and very child like in my attitudes because being an adult is the scariest shit ever and I don't want to be one some days. I just want to watch cartoons, poop, and wait to be called to dinner by my family.

This song makes me cry. Not always but often. When I'm by myself and no one is looking, I plug it in and hit the play button. I let go. Its so fantastic and freeing. I use this piece of music to remind myself why I endure the pain, the passion, the angst, torment, the gut ripping shit I personally am a fan of. Love. It peels away the armor I think I bravely and nobely put there to protect my heart and choiceless soul. I roll like a pig in sweet shit at the memory of those that I have loved. Past tense. Present tense. The future. Maybe my descripitive words sound negative, but they aren't meant to be. I'm just a realist. I try to be pragmatic but I fall short often.

Love is boundless and everywhere. The really fucked up part is we are all so afraid to reach out, without ego or pride and ask for it. Seek it. I'm done being prideful. Admittedly that is my worst habit of those 7 Sins things. Pride. The big kick in the face is when you decide to just let go of that rope you hang onto to keep shit inside you, and safe. Safe is for sissys and thats just isn't me. I want that wonderous free flowing love that is selfless, giving, warm and welcoming. It is understanding and kind and has a sense of humor. It knows when to reach out and touch every fiber of my being like electricity and it knows when to give me my space. It knows how amazing I am and what a true pain in the ass I can be. Like we all can be. It knows when to hold me close and sooth me and it knows when to kick my ass in the proper direction, should I wander off course.

The love I want will look me in the eye and tell me I'm full of shit and would I care to rephrase that comment I said out of anger or confusion. The love I want will encourage me in my passions, even if they don't totally understand them. The love I want will ask me what it needs from me. The love I want will cry with me at all the hateful, hurtful, disgusting atrocities us humans pile on eachother. It will laugh with me at all the really warped crap out there we all see but are afraid to admit we find funny too. The love I want will grow and learn and evolve and shoot out of the ground like a crocus in Spring, even through thick muddy dirt. It will rise. Always. Eventually. The love I want will know I do not have a crystal ball and gently remind or ask me how my love can help them. The love I want will run naked in the warm Summer rain and fall naked hot and laughing with me in the mud and make sweet, hot, passionate love to my body and brain. The love I want will understand the joy of peeing in nature like a wolf and even making love like one. Its all so simply glorious!

We are born of this earth and we live on it. This beautiful blue orb. We are ruining it. Its inane and stupifying to me. It renders me speechless (a rarity) and motionless sometimes because I can't believe that as we have evolved from a single cell (my opinion) we have increasingly found ways to really fuck shit up on the only thing we have to sustain us humans. We have let other multi celled creatures die off. To become extinct. Why can't we all simply LOVE eachother? Nuture and lift eachother up to wonderful heights? Why can't we drop the pride and greed crap and all live in one unified...across the globe, kind of way? Why do the rich get fatter and the poor suffer? I hate that shit! Ahhh, My A.D.D is kicking in. Imagine that. I'm trying to stay positive here and I always need help. We are so....ignorant and selfish. Why are we waiting for someone else to solve these problems that blare at us from our electronic information and recreation boxes we have in every room of our homes?

There is an immediate force to be reckoned with and its called the power of 1. You. There is an immediate force within you, the 1, its called love. Try it, cast it out to those around you that you deem worthy. Throw out some love. Bait your line with it. I'm certain someone will bite that hook. I wonder how much you'll reel in? Try it. I dare you.

Love. Glorious, golden, light heavenly love. Unconditional and free flowing. My kinda love. My dream. Dreams rock. Never give up on your dreams and never let a bad experience or person take anything golden out of you. If you do, they won. Thats the only thing I'll keep score of. Icky people 9. Golden people 100. We win. You decide. Your world. Your Life. Your love. Use it all wisely but use it or lose it my brothers and sisters. You people here with me. Again, choices.

What kind of love do you want? What kind of love to you have to offer? In my opinion, true love is selfless and without expectation of reciprocation. True love is when you become more whole by giving than receiving. True love is not martyrdom or remotely measurable. Just love people. Treat others like a brother or sister. How did something so glorious and right become so convoluted and fucked up? Something that can wound and cut us so deep? Make us afraid of it? Run and hid from it? Its my one of my many eternal questions and Im not going to stop asking, looking or loving because sometimes those we either choose to or accidently love.....don't love us back as good as we think we deserve. Then take your licks, dress your wounds, but heal. Kick the dirt. Be pissed off. Shake your fist at your God for letting you see cruelty or unjustness. Just please DO NOT fold here.

The world needs love so bad. Shit, we all do. If your shaking your head because you don't agree then your a liar. The truth can really suck. Love can really suck. Life can suck. But if truth and love aren't worth fighting for then fucking roll over and die. Give up. Fold you coward. Slap your hand of cards on the table, stand up, knock your chair over and declare your failure to live and love and contribute to the free world you are blessed enough to live on. Move aside then! Admit defeat and move on quick because there are armies of people who wish they sit where you did. It's fine. Its a choice. My only personal hope is that anyone who folds, becomes the wiser and evolves into a better person for the experience. Good or bad. Being open to love is a choice. Not all of us are cut out for the challenge.

If you declare that you do not need or require love...I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for your attitudes and I'd personally like to kick the shit out of the person or people that clouded your heart to get you to that point. Sincerely. It's definately a battle sometimes and I'm thankful my God gave me all the tools, wisdom, faith, hope and weapons I need to continue to fight for what I deem worthy. I know I won't win all the battles but I will win the war. I know it sucks to have to fight....but dammit, fight for what you need. No one cares about you more than you should. Fight for your life. I hope you find true love, clarity and personal freedom and simple exact beauty in everything you pursue.

Love rules. Love rocks. If it was always easy to obtain then it wouldn't be so cherished now, would it?

Love,
Kristen



SUCCESS is having peace within yourself and
joy in serving others that they too may find it.
May you have the light of hope, direction, and strength to be the person, the soul you were meant to be.